what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
