I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
