Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
we should paint friendship bongs
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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