party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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