So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
