Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize