...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
