my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
