If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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