If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
