I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
