dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
