He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
