So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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