Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
