I got chris browned last night
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
