Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
