After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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