I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
