haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
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