I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
