rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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