Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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