Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
