Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
