is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think a kid would responsible me up
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
