pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
