I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize