Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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