We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
