My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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