Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
