Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
