He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
