I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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