i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
