Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize