i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
