Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
