dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
