Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
