OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
this hospital has no fireball
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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