don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
