Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
