Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
