I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
