Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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