tell your sister to shave her snatch
worst night to have a conscience
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
