You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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