Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
