Nicole vs. Life
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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