How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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