"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
