i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
