FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
