Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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