I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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