walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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