i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
