oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
