my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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