I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
