i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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