just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
