worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He passed out mid-signature
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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