I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
