My brain says no but my pants say off.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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