now i know why i became what i already was.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
