Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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