Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
