my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
